


Hoes Mad

by bigduckenergy



Series: Happenings Of The Mansion [1]
Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Marble Hornets
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Mystery, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 10:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigduckenergy/pseuds/bigduckenergy
Summary: Jeff is the hoes.This is so stupid y'all.





	Hoes Mad

Picture this:

The mansion is blissfully quiet for once. Most of its residents are either asleep or settling down. It’s early morning, maybe around 3 or 4 AM. All is well, besides the nightmares and Laughing Jack’s occasional cackle. The usual stuff.

Now picture a bald man with a terrifyingly scarred face bursting out of his room and immediately tripping over a dog.

“Who the fuck- FUCK-,” 

Smile gives a glare and trots off. Jeff knows that the dog always sleeps outside his door, so really that was his own fault. 

“WHO THE FUCK CUT MY HAIR,” 

“GO TO SLEEP,” Ben yells.

Ironically Ben is very much NOT sleeping (and not because of Jeff) but is actually catfishing pedophiles on Omegle. To be fair though, Ben is a ghost and doesn’t need rest unless you count recharging whatever device he’s screwing with.

“THAT’S MY LINE,”

Now the entire second floor is awake, with much audible groaning and promises of death targeted toward Jeff and Ben. 

Clockwork, disheveled and pissed off, slams open her door. 

And then cracks up laughing.

“Ooooh my God…” 

“It’s not fucking funny.” Jeff looking angry and still very bald doesn’t help.

Toby is quick to join Clockwork in the hallway.

“JEFF HOLY SHIT,” 

Jeff points an accusing finger.

“Did you do this?”

Toby tries to regain himself.

“I promise I didn’t.” He stands a little straighter only for a loud laugh and a tic to break through.

“Alright, then WHICH ONE OF YOU DIPSHITS DID,” Jeff yells loud enough for the whole house to hear.

Down in the basement, Kagekao is drinking wine and all together pestering Eyeless. At this point, he has thrown a glass at the cement floor.

“ぶどう酒頂戴もっと!” 

Eyeless is laying in his bed, shrinking into the wall.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” He practically sobs.

After some violent stomping down the steps, Jeff opens the door to Eyeless’ room.

“Kagekao, you, bastard.”

“なんでしょう?” You could practically hear the eye-roll in his voice.

“My hair.”

“髪についてどうでもいい,”

Jeff smirks.

“Oh but I think you would.”

“What’s going on?” Eyeless speaks up.

“This clown cut ALL my hair off,” Jeff looks pointedly at Kagekao. “And is denying it, which is pretty out of character if you ask me.”

“So maybe… He didn’t cut your hair?” 

Kagekao nods and points at Eyeless.

"聞!”

Jeff slumps. He heads out of the room.

“Fine, whatever. But when I found whoever…” 

The door is slammed shut.

“I bet Jane did it.” Ben is suddenly standing next to him.

Jeff considers this.

“Okay yeah she hates me and shit but like- I don’t think she’d go out of her way to come over here.”  


Ben shrugs.

  
“I’m just saying. If somebody killed my family and poured acid on me, the least I would do is shave their head in the middle of the night.”

And then he’s gone. Like mist in the night. 

“Okay so,” Jeff sits on the bottom step. “Toby and Clockwork are out. Eyeless probably didn’t do it, that’s fucking stupid. Kagekao SAYS he didn’t. Ben is helping me. Jane might’ve but she’s hiding so…”

“Tim,”  


“What happened to your hair?” Tim is sitting on the floor for some reason.

“Where’s Brian.” Jeff asks with a period and not a question mark.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Suspicious for sure.

“Look, man. I know all about how you work so if you even think about lying I swear-,”  


Tim looks a little offended.

“You know I’ve been out of it since at least yesterday. I really have no idea.”

Jeff squints (Or rather, he would if he could.) and charges out. The only other person to know would be Toby.

He runs straight into him.

“Oh, hey dude,” Toby says through a mouthful of cereal.

“Where’s Brian.”  


Toby cocks his head.

“I’m no rat,” A grin. 

Jeff reminds himself to place Toby’s dining mat upside down the next time they all eat together.

“Where’s LJ.”

“Terrorizing children,”  


Jeff groans.

“Why won’t you tell me anything?”

Toby’s demeanor becomes a little more serious.

  
“I just don’t get why you care so much about it,”

“It’s my _hair_ ,”

“It’ll grow back. There’s better things in life to get upset about losing.”

Jeff crosses his arms.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” He says.

“What?” 

“Now is not the time to get all sentimental! This is a crisis!”

Toby flat out takes his cereal and leaves.

Jeff proceeds to go up to his room and jump face-first onto his bed.

“NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO ME,” He screams into his pillow.

“DUDE SHUT. UP.” Clockwork yells.

Jeff then screams some more.

After his tantrum, Jeff tries to leave his room.  


Only to bump into Brian.

“You did this, didn’t you.” Jeff musters up all of his angst for that one sentence.

“Nope.”

Then he leaves. Ben takes his place.

“I did it.” He says.

Betrayal. It stings like a knife. 

Shaking with anger, Jeff opens his mouth.

  
“You fucking gremlin.”

Ben just smiles and glitches.

“Why?” Jeff chokes out. “Why would you do this?”  


Ben leans in, so close Jeff could feel a static shock.

“Just because.”

And he disappears, once again.

Like mist in the night.


End file.
